The End of a Shredded Mind

I realize it's been a LONG time since I've written anything. So much has been going on - but I know there's really no point in making excuses because the truth is, I will end up doing whatever I put in a place of priority.

Right now in my life there is so much that needs to be done around the house and just taking care of daily tasks that just ends up getting put off. I really feel quite OVERburdened. I have pressured myself and stressed myself to no end for years to get the tasks on my list done. I'm finally realizing that I simply wasn't created to be running in a such a fast pace. Some people are quick thinkers and get things done quickly & easily. But the older I've gotten, the slower I seem to process tasks in my mind and carry things out.

The distractions and interruptions we incur with having a larger family seem to increase with every year our kids get older! I discovered that it gets my mind into the HABIT of jumping from one train of thought to another. Then before I know it, my mind is trying to go 5 different directions at one time, like those old typewriters when you hit too many keys at one time and the letter bars get clunked altogether & then you have to unclunk them! Just like the typewriter I've just gotten stuck, shredded & ineffective. And if you get in that situation over & over enough times - pretty soon - you may not realize it but you've subtly given up and then just procrastinated whatever it was you needed to do. Now I've procrastinated so much that I have unfinished projects all over the house and cannot seem to decide which one is the higher priority! So I basically just give up and move on to the "urgent" things that MUST get done (you know, the ones that SCREAM at you!).

Now I know most of my close friends would make excuses for me and say "well, you've been through so much this year - you have to give yourself a break." Well, I do! But I'm not gonna make excuses for the lack of focus going on in my mind. Jesus died to give me the mind of Christ and by golly I'm gonna fight to receive that mind!!! I know Jesus' mind was a focused mind. He was completely focused on God's will. He didn't let anything or anyone distract Him God's purpose for Him.

I'm just so tired of trying to tell one story to someone and going off into 3 bunny trails and then an hour later remember that I never got to the point of the story! Somebody tell me if this is what ADD is! Actually, I've been like this most of my life, but either it's got worse or maybe I'm just noticing it MORE than ever before. But it definitely has been affecting my daily life like never before. My productivity is at it's WORST than I've ever seen. And it's not just because I'm not saying no to different activities or doing things for people. For the most part, I don't do much except for handle home & family. But lately in the last 3 yrs, it's just been WAY too much for me. Thing is, I've handled SO much more than this with abundant grace.

With God's help I will get to bottom of this. But I really needed to get this written out and I haven't been doing well with journaling- I might write something once a month or less...... though that's not where I want to be. All in all, I choose to trust God and if I continue in this process, He'll lead me out. I am confident of that. Because He was, IS and always will be FAITHFUL!

I apologize if this has a more negative tone, but this is how repentance occurs. In order to change, first we must SEE the need for change to get fed up with the way things are. That's where I'm at! Oh God keep stirring me up! Don't stop convicting me and showing me the truth about myself! I need it! I need You to pull me up out of the pit of distraction, confusion & undecisiveness. Joel 2:12 "Therefore now," says the Lord, "Turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning [until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored]."

(Continue with Joel 2:13-14 for more good reading)

Parabens Contributes to Breast Tumors - I AM A WITNESS!

Some of you may or may not know that I just recently came through breast cancer. I had a radical double mastectomy in February of 2009 and I hope to complete my reconstructive surgery this August. Only thing was, I really had NO risks for getting it. There is NO family history of it on either side of my family. I don't smoke and haven't for almost twenty years and if I drink it's maybe one or two glasses a year. I was 39 when I first discovered the tumor. I have 4 children, ALL of them were breast-fed.

This past April, my oncologist informed me that at this point she was recommending chemo & hormonal therapy - even though a special test done on the tumor reported only a 7% chance of recurrence in the next 10 years. I believe the Lord led me to do some research while looking for another doctor (for a second opinion). I learned so much about chemo & hormonal therapy. I learned that I didn't want ANY part of it. The side effects for me were worse than the benefits.

Most of you who know me well- know that I began a journey of avoiding the foods and drinks that increase your chances of cancer 10 years ago and eating & drinking things that prevent it. The first few years I struggled with that choice & then I became more strongly committed.

I had asked the Lord where I missed it and how this got in. The first area I was convicted about was mishandling stress, so He's been helping me correct some things in that area. Then He led me to look up "Environmental Estrogens"-- which are pseudo-estrogens that are toxic to our body. You may or may not have heard of these. What I discovered is that it has been PROVEN time & time again that all the types of "parabens" in about 95% of beauty products today actually CAUSE cancerous breast tumors! Research shows that today women younger & younger are getting breast cancer and parabens is the biggest cause of the estrogen increase in these women. In my case, the pathology report showed that my tumor was "estrogen receptive". Meaning that I had "estrogen dominance." The causes of this are actually from the environmental estrogens. There are many other types of these estrogens besides JUST the parabens that I suggest you look up & find on your own. But I found studies that were done on human breast tumors and in one particular study done on 20 of them- in ALL 20 of the tumors- ALL the parabens were found. Methylparabens being the highest in every single tumor.

I immediately got off the computer and found item after item in my bathroom of foundations, lotions, creams, tanning lotions, shampoo & more products that had these "parabens" in them. I got dressed, went out and bought all organic paraben-free products right away. The Lord began reminding me of all the times He would suggest over the years that I buy those organic (paraben-free) products. Since I thought it was me the thought came from, I argued with myself saying we're already spending enough money on organic foods & supplements and plus I didn't think I'd be satisfied with them. Procrastination - just put it off for another day! "But maybe one day we'll have enough money to buy more organic & healthy hygiene products", I thought. I'm finding out breast cancer is really a lot MORE expensive!

Of course, I repented for not being careful enough in taking the time to listen attentively for His voice. I had seen "paraben-free" on some items before, but hadn't a CLUE what the problem was with them - I guess I should've looked that up! Duh! God's word DOES say that, " My people perish for lack of knowledge." Many women 45 & under are in the same situation, they simply don't know. I am wanting to get this information out and find out all I can do to help companies understand the need to find another preservative and stop giving women breast cancer. I guess they may think since there are other enviromental estrogens out there, that they are not the SOLE cause. I'm not sure, but one thing I want to know is - who really cares enough to change the products they use and tell others about these dangerous toxins as well? I sent this to message to all the women on my email list and posting it now on my blog, because I CARE about your life. And since nobody told me about the problem with parabens (that I remember) I figured I needed to post this information.

Thanks for taking the time to read this~ God bless you abundantly! ;)

Since I first posted this info ~ I have discovered other ways to lower our estrogen levels. Please, get your levels checked so you know where you stand! READ your labels - soy in all forms except fermented raises estrogen levels, as well as dairy. This does make grocery shopping a lot more difficult and the choice to change our eating habits can be also - but when you compare it to the horrid inconvenience of going through surgeries and (for some) chemo treatments and then all the financial stress of the MANY medical bills piling up - the decision can become quite easy!

Our Crown of Thorns

After one tough day of feeling like I must be the only one to have SO many troubles and issues to deal with, I realize "there goes those fickle feelings again!" They lie so often. Then there's the enemy who tries to tell you, "you & your family's lives are just too jacked up to glorify God - you don't have the victory - look at ya - you're still screwing up and saying the wrong things over & over again." But I say, "wait a minute don't I already have the victory just BECAUSE I belong to Jesus and have the Holy Spirit living within me?" In 1st Corinthians 15:57, it says "thanks be to God, Who gives us the victory [making us conquerors] through our Lord Jesus Christ." First of all, I know that I know (by the "Knower" inside me) that I belong to Jesus. So I claim that victory through Christ Jesus my Lord, thanks be to God for that victory that I will find through Him.

As for the issues of our weaknesses and faults and those people in our lives who seem to bring out the worst in us: these could be called the thorns that are sent to buffet and harass us. It's important to realize who our true enemy is. It's not the people that we should be battling. We must bring the Lord into our situations through prayer. As our senior pastor taught yesterday, these thorns are there to keep us from getting puffed up and full of ourselves as well as drawing us closer to the feet of Jesus. The area of reference is found in 2nd Corinthians 12:7-10. How many of us have asked the Lord to remove from us the people or problems in our personalities that we face? Many times I have asked God if I should put my daughter, who has Down's syndrome and struggles with a mental illness, in a special home for people like her; sometimes I feel that she would be better off without me and I can't bear anymore of the communication breakdowns. But yet I know that God is using her to work a far greater work of glory within me and her for His purpose. So I stay the course, because He promised His grace is sufficient and His strength & power are made perfect in my weakness. How can this be? I don't really know all of the specifics as of yet. But I must take His word - believe, lean and rely on it. I must choose to trust Him regardless of what I see. And one day, I will see His word come to pass in me and others before my eyes.

So I will not be ashamed of the fiery trials before me, I will not be shocked or dismayed as they enflame against me. Instead, I will recall the words of King David in Psalm 23 - "You (Lord) prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me ALL the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!" As Paul says, "I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest upon me!" Therefore, I've decided to glorify God that I have been counted as one who is priviledged enough to wear a crown of thorns as Jesus did.

All of us at one time or another go through various temptations and trials, so we must continually make strong decisions by God's grace to allow God's strength to carry us through these trials triumphantly. My prayer is that we as God's people will grow up in this area of trusting God for the victory no matter how bad things look. So that your faith will not burn up in the fire and you will come out as pure gold, with purer motives than you ever had before!

Until we meet again~ God's grace be with you all ;) Hebrews 13:20-21
Dusti Renea

Just the Beginning!

Behold, God is doing a new thing in this new beautiful season! I have been directed that I need to start a blog......and I'm finally heeding God's call. Currently, what's been on my mind is all that must be repented of and fasted from. When one lady pastor from my church told me to repent for three days I frankly just didn't get it, so I lifted it up to the Lord to reveal what that meant. Doesn't repenting for my ungrateful attitude only take a moment or two? Here I am many months later and now I'm beginning to see how the Lord is revealing the truth about repentance. How many of us repent on the surface about an issue, but the next day we're right back in the same ole' mess? How many of you are TRULY fed up with this madness? I believe we need to give God some quality time to reveal to us what true repentance is. The best scripture that comes to mind about repentance is James 4:8-10 Come close to God and He will come close to you. [Recognize that you are] sinners, get your soiled hands clean; [realize that you have been disloyal] wavering individuals with divided interests, and purify your hearts [of your spiritual adultery]. 9 [As you draw near to God] be deeply penitent and grieve, even weep [over your disloyalty]. Let your laughter be turned to grief and your mirth to dejection and heartfelt shame [for your sins]. 10 Humble yourselves [feeling very insignificant] in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you [He will lift you up and make your lives significant].

I have more to say but will cut this short for now.
Until next time..........be blessed w/His mercy & Truth. ;)